who are you,little i

(five or six years old)
peering from some high

window;at the gold

of November sunset

(and feeling:that if day
has to become night

this is a beautiful way)
- e.e. cummings

"the vision is hope; and hope is real."

Proof that I am learning too much slash there is too much going on in my brain:
I just wrote 3 different blog entries and got overwhelmed by each one and deleted all of them. Too rambly. My old college pastor, when helping us to write sermons/talks would always remind us that we didn't have to fit everything we knew about everything into that one thirty minute talk. Same kind of thing here. I just can't get it all out. Which is okay.
Here are some tidbits:

- a thing of great beauty: To Write Love On Her Arms. a nonprofit/annual event. "To Write Love On Her Arms is a non-profit movement dedicated to presenting hope and finding help for those struggling with depression, addiction, self-injury and suicide. TWLOHA exists to encourage, inform, inspire, and also to invest directly into treatment and recovery." A beautiful thing. I read this, and I cry every time (without fail): "...Don Miller says we're called 'to hold our hands against the wounds of a broken world, to stop the bleeding.' I agree so greatly. We often ask God to show up. We pray prayers of rescue. Perhaps God would ask us to be that rescue, to be His body, to move for things that matter. He is not invisible when we come alive. I might be simple but more and more, I believe God works in love, speaks in love, is revealed in our love. I have seen that this week and honestly, it has been simple: Take a broken girl, treat her like a famous princess, give her the best seats in the house. Buy her coffee and cigarettes for the coming down, books and bathroom things for the days ahead. Tell her something true when all she's known are lies. Tell her God loves her. Tell her about forgiveness, the possibility of freedom, tell her she was made to dance in white dresses. All these things are true. We won't solve all the mysteries and our hearts will certainly break in such a vulnerable life, but it is the best way. we were made to be lovers bold in broken places, pouring ourselves out again and again until we're called home." (www. twloha.com)

- fun facts: Going to see Ingrid Michaelson tomorrow in concert, followed by Korean Karaoke with my spiritual formation group on Saturday. Thanksgiving in 2 weeks and Christmas break in about 5! Interviewing for Internships... terrifying. But also exciting! Nothing yet but hopefully soon... :)

- looking forward to: family time, free time, getting my hair done, reading for pleasure.

- I am loving: cool weather, amazing sales at J.Crew, pain that equals growth, live music, having FUN, high fives, this blog, and wild sweet orange Tazo tea, available at Starbucks.

And that's all I have. It's late, I'm tired from all this blogging and not actually even posting, and it is past time for bed.

"Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope: because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed, for His compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness." - Lamentations 3:22-23

it's time to try defying gravity...

(thank you Maybelline eyeshadow for covering my whole face all night long.)(please note my stockings and ruby slippers and broom)
(the hostesses and residents of 1403 university... note my counterpart, Glinda the good witch!)


here it is - halloween. the party (and I do mean THE party... of the year) was a HUGE success. I think there were at least 100 people who came, total - even our neighbors ventured over from their lame party! granted, they were huge creepers, but such is life. it was a GREAT party. I spent the majority of today basking in last night's wonderfulness. I am, however, still sick with some kind of cold/flu type situation... I was able to rally for the party though, never you fear! It was so fun. For a full rundown of the costumes, etc, please visit my facebook album here: http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2041803&l=09f74&id=24900146 (for those of you without facebook.) There were some hilarious costumes... among my favorites were: She-Ra, princess of power; mashed potatoes; Mugatu (from Zoolander); the guy in the shower; 2 mormon missionaries; ghost busters; Ben Franklin; all of the Plastics from Mean Girls; and Quail Man. People went all out! and our house wasn't totally trashed, either, which is GRAND. So fun. I wish it wasn't over!

There you have it.

good new music: new Ray Lamontagne CD (Gossip in the Grain) and new Ingrid Michaelson CD (Be OK) - both winners in their own right. Ingrid's is superb. I highly recommend it!

peace, love, and costume parties...

oh what a day it is today

picture one: out on the town at Rio, which makes the best (and strongest) margs in Denver and perhaps even the surrounding area.
middle picture: this is pre-night on the town. those are my new fabulous jeans that I may never take off ever again. You'll be relieved to know that I washed them finally... no worries.
lastly: Annual Red Bull Soap Box Derby at Red Rocks with Dan (left) and Justin (right). SO FUN. AND, I was informed today, Justin and I made it on the news!! Someone saw us having a ball at the Derb. How cool is that?? I'm famous!

Also, I decided on a Halloween costume... but I'm not telling what it is... I'm just going to post pictures when its done. It's gonna be good...

big hearts to you all!

tag... you're it

This was one of my first tags! I was tagged by my too-sweet-and-kind cousin Carrie, who wrote some way too nice things about me on her blog... and I am happy to respond to the tag and post the seven random facts about YOURS TRULY! Thanks for the tag and for the complements Carrie... what a blessing to have this lovely bloggy relationship to bridge the long distances!


1. I LOVE broadway. I love musicals. I love any show/movie where it is commonplace for any one to break into any kind of catchy tune at any time. I even own some soundtracks to musicals I haven't even seen! I just love them. Not ashamed to admit it. There is nothing like getting into your car and singing "Mamma Mia" all the way to school. Nothing like it.

2. My screen name from middle school to now (although I use it way less slash hardly ever now) was meggs2694. The meggs with two g's was a mistake made by my mother (I was inconsolable for MINUTES.) and the numbers... this is embarrassing... are the transposed football jersey numbers of the two boys I loved at this point in my boy-loving career. I have never told anyone that.

3. I would love nothing more than to keep a journal - but I can never do it for more than about a week before getting miserably sick of it. I just started again 2 days ago. I put less pressure on myself this time, and I'm allowing myself to write even just one sentence each night if I want. I'm hoping it will stick this time! Then, someday, you guys can publish it. Since I'm sooooo brilliant and will inevitably be famous at some point.

4. I've always had this ongoing daydream where I am a wonderful and famous singer. Unfortunately, I get stage fright big time, and I'm also not much of a soloist. Even still - I would love to lead worship or sing anything ever and just have people be in awe of my vocal stylings. However, I'm realistic. I'll stick to singing in church, in the car, and in the shower. Oh, and with my roommate Sarah whenever we're home alone. (We've gotten caught a couple of times belting out showtunes in the kitchen... not good.)

5. I do voices. I love doing voices. I even kind of think they're kind of good. They're accurate, anyway. I'm possibly a little proud of the talent. Several are highly embarrassing... and I will not start doing them on command. So don't bother asking. :)

(I feel like 7 things is a lot and I'm having some trouble...)

6. If I could change one thing about myself, I would be a morning person. Seriously. I think morning people are so great. I have never been one. I have become more of one as I have gotten older, but I'm still pretty sucky. Someday, I hope to be a full-fledged morning person. I think that would be just fabulous.

7. I download every free song that ITunes offers. Often they are really bad and I end up deleting them... but I always do it. Can't pass up something free!!

I just want to feel today, feel today, feel today... I just want to feel something today

I know, I know, it has been a while. A LONG while. I've actually been feeling really bloggy the last couple of days... real introspective and insightful... but alas, my poor tiny computer has been at the Apple store with the "geniuses" for the past FOUR DAYS!!! I swear, its like an appendage has been removed from my body. I am aimless and without purpose without Facebook to check, emails to write, blogs to read... its actually giving me some insight into how much time/life I waste watching TV online and other pointless enterprises. Hmm. So while I do feel disconnected from life (no g-chatting, no emails 24/7, no weather checking...) it is actually a little freeing. I went today in an act of desperation to inquire about how much longer I must live in this limbo, and the answer was two more days. I can't tell you how not fun this is. However, I will continue to take advantage of all my free time and try to make the best of a horrid situation. Ha-ha. Life is so hard, isn't it?

Lets see... important updates include that my roomies and I are throwing a Halloween party to which we so far have THIRTY FIVE affirmative RSVP's and 20-something maybes!! While I'm feeling quite popular, I also feel a lot of pressure to A) find a killer costume and B) make the party real fun. With regard to A) - I am accepting suggestions. Today I made my facebook status to say, "megan is accepting suggestions for my halloween costume" and I have recieved the following suggestions (all of which have caused me to laugh uncontrollably in the DenSem computer lab, which is awkward.)
- a newt (thanks Paul)
- big Sonya (thanks Carla slash the scary mexican girl who went to Carla's high school... i.e. Big Sonya)
- the man from the game operation (which entails a nude body suit with bones painted on) - thanks Kate
- Maria VonTrapp (thanks also to Kate)
- the Koolaid Man (thanks Kara)
- Yoshi from Nintendo (Kara again)

All excellent suggestions, but none are the one. Allison keeps suggesting Tina Turner... not sure why... :) and other people have tried to be helpful as well. My manager (and friend) Grace from JCrew says she is coming as a streaker. Should be an interesting party. Please comment with your suggestions!! I am really struggling here!!

In other news, I bought a pair of skinny jeans, and I am actually and literally obsessed with them. I have worn them every day since I bought them on Friday, except for yesterday when I wore workout pants all day. Had I gotten dressed, I'm certain I would have worn them then too. They are from Gap, and they are fabulous. Sometimes in life we are blessed to find an article of clothing that looks and feels fabulous and fashionable and make you feel HOT. These are that blessing. I may never wear another pair of pants as long as I live.

That is really my report for now... The mouse count (i.e. mice who have died for daring enter my bedroom) is at 2, but I haven't seen another one (Praise Jesus) in several weeks. The second one was far less dramatic than Gus-Gus too, he just died in the trap while I was out of town. Gross, but fine with me. Spare me the mouse drama. I'm so over it.

Ok, so, Halloween is coming, pumpkin flavored things are everywhere, and life is but a dream. School continues to be hard and challenging, although most of the challenge this semester is emotional in nature and not so much academic. Masters in Counseling is kind of like being in counseling... all the time. Not that fun. I mean, yes, it is good, but I think there is a hump to get over of understanding how to live in a world where things are horrible, feeling the horrible, and being okay in spite of it. I learned this lesson from - don't laugh - Grey's Anatomy. The main character, Meredith, is in counseling, until one day she says "I'm quitting therapy, because I'm happy. I don't need it anymore." In the course of the episode, terrible things happen... a patient she likes dies, her relationships are challenged... blah blah. At the end, she runs into her therapist in the elevator. She gets all heated and says to her counselor, "What was the point of it? What is the point of doing any of that work? The world is just horrible!" Her therapist turns to her (and I tear up) and says, "Yes, Meredith, the world is horrible. The point is not to ignore the horrible and be happy anyway. The point is to learn how to feel the horrible!!" I can't tell you how this resonates with me... Yes, it's Grey's Anatomy, and yes, its dumb to learn life lessons from primetime television - but this is good stuff. I'm in grad school, so you can trust me when I say that.

So, I love you all, blog-readers, and I hope all is well for you. I hope you feel the horrible, and I hope that in the horrible you get to experience the goodness and the faithfulness of a God who enters into your struggles - who meets you in the battlefield - who doesn't leave you to fight it out alone. I hope that when you cry out to God, you experience God's response: I know. There are no answers, and if there were, they wouldn't be sufficient anyway - I think deep down, I know that. The most powerful thing in a time of great trial is to have someone who truly understands where you are and what you're going through. To have someone hear your story and begin to weep with you - to say, "I know where you've been. I've been there too." It's a hard thing to wrap my mind around, but I believe that God meets us where we are - in the hospital bed, in the pit of grief and despair, in the throes of addiction, in our loneliness, in our sadness, in our anger - and God pulls us close and says, "I know. I know where you have been. I have been there too... and I'll go there with you now."

adventures with Timmy and MegMeg

Breaking News: Gus Gus Dies Slowly in Near-Fatal Mousetrap Murder

SAYONARA, SUCKA!
Let me tell you the gruesome tale of Gus Gus's tragic end. (Warning - not for the faint of heart.) Last night I am sitting in bed when I hear it - the sound I have been dreading - the SNAP of the TRAP which is within eyeshot of my bed. I look over - and there is Gus Gus. But no - it would have been too simple for it to end there. He was only INJURED in the trap - and not even stuck in it. So I scream (naturally) and call (on the phone) Susan - who is upstairs and who I am hoping is not asleep. She gets out of bed and comes down... we both panic and try to get him but all the while we're freaking out - and he kind of hobbles away (they're quick even when they're injured.) We chased him until he ran under the dryer - FOILED AGAIN! My hope was that his injuries would be too severe to last very much longer. We went to bed. (Mind you, hours later - I was horrified.)
This morning, I walk out of my room into the basement and THERE HE IS - breathing his last in the middle of the floor. HO-LY CRAP. And now, clearly I am alone with no moral support - I panic (shocking) and trap him under a pot we had on the table, and call Mom. Gory details spared, I stepped up to the plate, got the little piece of crap in a bag, tied it, and ran the fastest I have ever run (ever) to the dumpster.

Rest in peace, you little terror. I certainly will.

a Breckenridge Bachelorette!

we started the party with a Mamma Mia singalong...
we went out for a while in Breckenridge...

and it only made sense to end with Mamma Mia too. (dancing queen, obviously) that girl in the brown is the bachelorette herself - Sarah Kincheloe!

my talented roommates:
needless to say... a fun time was had by all.

#397. Feeling too small for God.

So, I read this other blog called "Stuff Christians Like," and this was on there a while back and today it is just what I needed to hear. Enjoy:

"The world is pretty big. There are a lot of countries, with millions and millions of square miles of people and land and ocean. The universe is even bigger than that. I’ve never been but from the photos I’ve seen it’s massive. Pathways of stars, belts of black holes and galaxies and planets. It’s just endless, and somewhere up there, God knows your boyfriend broke up with you.

Maybe He doesn’t. I mean, maybe He’s up there and He’s working on really big stuff. He’s healing famines and trying to bring peace to war torn lands. The greatness of His issues makes your little issues look ordinary and simple and maybe even boring.

But every now and then I come across a verse that shakes my deep belief that I am beneath God’s radar. One that I love is Psalm 56:8. Here, in what hopefully makes me look pretty smart, is the King James Version:

“Thou tellest my wanderings: put thou my tears into thy bottle: are they not in thy book?”

But maybe you’re not old school, so here’s what the New Living Translation says:

“You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in your bottle. You have recorded each one in your book.”

I think that’s beautiful. Can you imagine that? Can you picture God doing that? Taking His giant hands and tenderly picking up every single one of your tears? Knowing why they came, understanding what they mean, placing them in His bottle, so that He can comfort you.

That’s how God spends his days.

That’s how small this big universe is."

[click the title of this post to be sent to actual blog. beautiful!]

I'll alert the media.

I feel the need to tell all of you that Fall is here - my favorite season of all - which also means these things: that the pumpkin spice latte (and really lets be honest - I get excited about all things pumpkin flavored) is at Starbucks (and thank you to Amie for alerting me via text... that was a beautiful thing to wake up to... and also I'll call you back soon, promise) and, more importantly, that I have dark and vampy nails once again! This beautiful dark purple that I purchased at Ulta.
Fingers and toes. Sorry Mom.

FYI: I download music from this great site called MP3 Fiesta - you pay as little as $20 up front, and then songs are 20 cents, as opposed to the 99 on Itunes... it doesn't have everything, but I am hard pressed to find artists the site doesn't have. So, check it out using this link - if you sign up, I get free dollas!

http://www.mp3fiesta.com/?user=2866135

I'm just sitting on the shelf

I've been feeling like a major Debbie Downer lately. Lately being... the last three days. I've decided to give it up. Cold turkey. No more "wah, wah's" for me! Look at me go. What a proactive Wednesday. So here is a blog entry about all of the things that are good or exciting in my veritable world at this current moment. [Sidenote, I have no idea if that was an appropriate use of the word "veritable," but it felt right, so I'm deciding to leave it there.]

All of the things that are good are these:
- spending my classless, JCrew-less wednesday
at Cafe Europa with Beckie Johns, listening to good music, catching up on emails, and reading good books for my good classes
- in October, I'm going to get to see Hanson (yes, Mmmbop Hanson - see picture) in concert. Matty Wertz (my favorite ever) is opening... and I'm thrilled.
- free music download of Phil Wickham (amazing) at www.philwickham.com. I highly reccommend it. I am recently in love with "Beautiful."
- Heathen dinner tonight!! Long story short, me and my friends Beckie and Joel were in a small group for a class in our first semester - and whenever we met for our projects, we always drank beer and ate pizza. So, we dubbed ourselves the Seminary Heathens, thus forming the Heathen club. Heathen dinners have since come to include Joel's wife, Marlin, as well as our friend Justin. I love Heathen dinners. So so much.
- my fabulous weekend with the new Mrs. Jessica Dahl! Look how much fun we had!
- that I live in Colorado and get to drive 30 minutes to go on hikes with my friends...

So, life is pretty good I guess.
Oh. Except for my new roommate. No, not Susan. Becca and Sarah are fine too. Even the dog, Daisy, is good. My new roommate is... sadly and grotesquely, a mouse. One or many? I'm choosing to believe it's one. This mouse (we'll call him GusGus) likes to scurry his little self into my room at night. Which has made me COMPLETELY and TOTALLY PARANOID. I think every noise, hair, movement, ANYTHING, is GusGus. It's ruining my life. I can hardly sleep without imagining the little guy crawling into bed with me. Something has to be done. I think I have to kill GusGus.

New favorite CD: She & Him. Favorite Song: Why Do You Let Me Stay Here. And that free CD. I love free stuff. OH and Amos Lee's self-titled CD, Amos Lee. Favorite Song: Bottom of the Barrel. Enjoy some good music (and a pumpkin spice latte - back in your local Sbucks!!) and the fabulous weather... I love fall.

avoiding work is my forte

www.yearbookyourself.com

this is me in: 1974, 1980, 1994 and 1996, respectively.
I'm so worthless.

"To whom will you compare me?
Or who is my equal?" says the Holy One.

Lift your eyes and look to the heavens:
Who created all these?
He who brings out the starry host one by one,
and calls them each by name.
Because of his great power and mighty strength,
not one of them is missing.

Do you not know? Have you not heard?
The LORD is the everlasting God,
the Creator of the ends of the earth.
He will not grow tired or weary,
and his understanding no one can fathom.

He gives strength to the weary
and increases the power of the weak.

Even youths grow tired and weary,
and young men stumble and fall;

but those who hope in the LORD
will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint.

Isaiah 40:25-31