I just want to feel today, feel today, feel today... I just want to feel something today

I know, I know, it has been a while. A LONG while. I've actually been feeling really bloggy the last couple of days... real introspective and insightful... but alas, my poor tiny computer has been at the Apple store with the "geniuses" for the past FOUR DAYS!!! I swear, its like an appendage has been removed from my body. I am aimless and without purpose without Facebook to check, emails to write, blogs to read... its actually giving me some insight into how much time/life I waste watching TV online and other pointless enterprises. Hmm. So while I do feel disconnected from life (no g-chatting, no emails 24/7, no weather checking...) it is actually a little freeing. I went today in an act of desperation to inquire about how much longer I must live in this limbo, and the answer was two more days. I can't tell you how not fun this is. However, I will continue to take advantage of all my free time and try to make the best of a horrid situation. Ha-ha. Life is so hard, isn't it?

Lets see... important updates include that my roomies and I are throwing a Halloween party to which we so far have THIRTY FIVE affirmative RSVP's and 20-something maybes!! While I'm feeling quite popular, I also feel a lot of pressure to A) find a killer costume and B) make the party real fun. With regard to A) - I am accepting suggestions. Today I made my facebook status to say, "megan is accepting suggestions for my halloween costume" and I have recieved the following suggestions (all of which have caused me to laugh uncontrollably in the DenSem computer lab, which is awkward.)
- a newt (thanks Paul)
- big Sonya (thanks Carla slash the scary mexican girl who went to Carla's high school... i.e. Big Sonya)
- the man from the game operation (which entails a nude body suit with bones painted on) - thanks Kate
- Maria VonTrapp (thanks also to Kate)
- the Koolaid Man (thanks Kara)
- Yoshi from Nintendo (Kara again)

All excellent suggestions, but none are the one. Allison keeps suggesting Tina Turner... not sure why... :) and other people have tried to be helpful as well. My manager (and friend) Grace from JCrew says she is coming as a streaker. Should be an interesting party. Please comment with your suggestions!! I am really struggling here!!

In other news, I bought a pair of skinny jeans, and I am actually and literally obsessed with them. I have worn them every day since I bought them on Friday, except for yesterday when I wore workout pants all day. Had I gotten dressed, I'm certain I would have worn them then too. They are from Gap, and they are fabulous. Sometimes in life we are blessed to find an article of clothing that looks and feels fabulous and fashionable and make you feel HOT. These are that blessing. I may never wear another pair of pants as long as I live.

That is really my report for now... The mouse count (i.e. mice who have died for daring enter my bedroom) is at 2, but I haven't seen another one (Praise Jesus) in several weeks. The second one was far less dramatic than Gus-Gus too, he just died in the trap while I was out of town. Gross, but fine with me. Spare me the mouse drama. I'm so over it.

Ok, so, Halloween is coming, pumpkin flavored things are everywhere, and life is but a dream. School continues to be hard and challenging, although most of the challenge this semester is emotional in nature and not so much academic. Masters in Counseling is kind of like being in counseling... all the time. Not that fun. I mean, yes, it is good, but I think there is a hump to get over of understanding how to live in a world where things are horrible, feeling the horrible, and being okay in spite of it. I learned this lesson from - don't laugh - Grey's Anatomy. The main character, Meredith, is in counseling, until one day she says "I'm quitting therapy, because I'm happy. I don't need it anymore." In the course of the episode, terrible things happen... a patient she likes dies, her relationships are challenged... blah blah. At the end, she runs into her therapist in the elevator. She gets all heated and says to her counselor, "What was the point of it? What is the point of doing any of that work? The world is just horrible!" Her therapist turns to her (and I tear up) and says, "Yes, Meredith, the world is horrible. The point is not to ignore the horrible and be happy anyway. The point is to learn how to feel the horrible!!" I can't tell you how this resonates with me... Yes, it's Grey's Anatomy, and yes, its dumb to learn life lessons from primetime television - but this is good stuff. I'm in grad school, so you can trust me when I say that.

So, I love you all, blog-readers, and I hope all is well for you. I hope you feel the horrible, and I hope that in the horrible you get to experience the goodness and the faithfulness of a God who enters into your struggles - who meets you in the battlefield - who doesn't leave you to fight it out alone. I hope that when you cry out to God, you experience God's response: I know. There are no answers, and if there were, they wouldn't be sufficient anyway - I think deep down, I know that. The most powerful thing in a time of great trial is to have someone who truly understands where you are and what you're going through. To have someone hear your story and begin to weep with you - to say, "I know where you've been. I've been there too." It's a hard thing to wrap my mind around, but I believe that God meets us where we are - in the hospital bed, in the pit of grief and despair, in the throes of addiction, in our loneliness, in our sadness, in our anger - and God pulls us close and says, "I know. I know where you have been. I have been there too... and I'll go there with you now."